lol.had such a laugh today that jus thinkin about it gives me the tickles.
hilarious.
will elaborate more next time.im still..luffing.

...if it's not,what you're made of...
...you're not what i'm lookin for...
...you were willing,but unable...
...to give me anymore...
...there's no way u're changin...
...cos some things will jus never be mine...
...u're not in love this time,but it's alrite..

my goodness i love this songgg..tune's stuck in my head mans.=)

i wont bother tryin to explain anymore..
i give up.

and the ppl whom i usually go to during these kinda times are not there anymore...they're jus too busy with their own lives for them to help in mine.sigh.but it doesn't matter..im not gonna unload anymore woes to them.so this sheet has gotta stop.

heh.back to happier stuff.
hmmm.had a normal school week,went for trainin for sat.it was fun!
ooh met ky before that at jurong east ec for sushi! THANKS! HAHA.played poool.and then went sch! HAHA.long journeys man.

trained drills with ky,chiau ru and chiau ying.i realised im really rusty.my boasts are way out and loose.and my drives are not much better.sigh.its like i lost the passion for my favourite recreational stuff ever since it happened.sorry to disappoint you guys like that.

went home for a nice refreshin shower after that.and headed out again to esplanade to meet up with ray,wanyee,chinhan,angie and jiahui to celebrate wanyee's birthday! -claps-
headed for karaoke at cine after that.blasted our lungs out til 6am.although there was a mighty long period i dozed off peacefully.was extremely tired so i even managed to sleep tru the noise within the room.
thanks for such a great time ppl!

slept for the most part of sunday cos i suffered a hangover once i reached home.woke up,went back to sleep,woke up for dinner,then slept tru til today morning.wow.i felt so refreshed.
and thanks to all the angels out there for their kind and sincere smses.it jus made me wanna hug all of you.in a frenly way of cors. =) i jus wanted to bounce and bounce.and really,thank you.all of you.

i'm usually alone at home nowadays,so i jus pretty much keep to myself an awful lot.i'm saddened by the mere fact that i now have to initiate the conversation just so i can talk to my dad.and sometimes when i do that, i feel like im rudely butting in on their conversation.i didn't want that,so i just kept what i wanted to say to myself.and most recently,i haven't spoken much at all.
and when no one's home,it's the time when i feel the most alone,the most vulnerable.they just head out without tellin me where they're headin to,and what time they're gonna be back.i know it sounds childish and idiotic,but i feel so left out.i feel so left out of the things they say,the things they do.
i feel like i'm driftin slowly away on a wooden board out at sea, in a turbulent storm.the 3 lights that once shone brightly have dimmed,giving out an occasional flicker or two.and i cant help but notice that sooner or later,i'm gonna lose the 3 beacons of hope.

i know there's a lot of things i can voice out to him,but i can't bring myself to.
i can't bring myself to show how upset i am,how truly neglected i feel inside.i know it'll hurt him.and that's the last thing i wanna do,now that he's found his happiness.
i don't wanna flare up,don't wanna show my temper,cos i know it's just disappointment i feel inside.
so,yea.guess i'll just keep it all inside for e time being.i wonder how long it'll last.

its weird how certain ppl have this innate ability to cause me to feel extremely small.
really.and their comments always seem like put-downs.it's jus me larh.

hais.im always returnin to an empty house.and i can't seem to call it a home anymore...
i shall jus go out like everyday.

-..the more i try to feel, the less i'm whole..-

"Ugh.. Weilian went in.. anyway, he did sing better for this week.. BUT.. he still cant be a superstar.. i'm not despising him or wat-so-ever.. if record company approaches him to release album, its fine with me.. but him being a superstar, i still think its inappropriate.. there's LIMITED CAPABILITIES that he can do being a superstar.. eg, dancing, walk around freely.. so.. i still think Junyang should win.."

-quoted from someone's blog-totally random.

i think that person is disgracing him/herself.wth.limited capabilities?! thats like blatantly sayin in his face that just becos he's visually impaired,he can't win this competition.
i think weilian has a really beautiful voice,and i do not deny that i've taken a liking to him more than anybody else in the competition.i've always adored crooners.and he's a bit dorky in a sense.endearrringg...
thank god america doesn think like the forementioned blogger.if so,lindsey cardinale and anthony federov would have won AI4 hands down.both really hot ppl.and obviously,ruben clay and kelly would not have had a cat in hell chance of gettin to where they are now if they went by the usual routes.(send tape to blah blah,review blah.)
so pls,i really really think that weilian has a beautiful voice and im very impressed with his dogged determination to move along with his own choreographed moves on the stage.i would jus stumble off it,no surprise there.
but well,jy's good too.so whoever wins,good luck.-_-

national day week had been LOADS of fun.im lookin at it optimistically.must try to change my perception after all. headed to town on national day itself with linda,rinna,siming,daniel,and jia en.although it was only these ppl,i still had shit loads of good old crappy fun. we talked and laughed and talked and laughed.
caught up on so much! and everyone has so unexpectantly changed so much already.

headed to ikea in queenstown to search for a box with my mum and sis.haha.i couldnt leave that place without sinkin my teeth into their delectable meatballs larh.i mean.who the hell can resist them?! they're just great mans.
we were forewarned about a traffic delay due to an oncoming mobile column.i didnt care less about it until when i was about to cross the bloody road,a smartly dressed (heh.) traffic police stopped all ongoing traffic. woah mans. HE LOOKED SO BLARDY COOL JUS STANDING ALONE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE T-JUNCTION! sorry that just burst out of me without knowin. and huitin,i know you share the exact same sentiments as me so you fully understand the reason for an outburst like that.LOL.
we were treated to a parade of vehicles of different shapes and sizes. i was totally in awe.totally. it was truly one hell of an eye-opener. and all the soldiers waved! I WAVED BACK! HAHA.ok sorry. hmm it was quite a spectacle for everyone. and i'm really glad i caught it. -smiles-

alrite.ok.wednesday.i'm having a lot of trouble recallin what did i do on that day,til i remembered Angel.HAHA. Yida and I went for the panel discussion on wed,which was supposed to be a forum discussion involvin students and directors and lecturers alike.Angel voiced out many issues,which i totally agree with,but the directors weren't too happy i guess.bleah. it was hilarious in a sense,cos one particular director (i couldnt be bothered with his name) had a really snarky sense of humour.really witty. kudos for not being like the other two!

was down with stomach flu for the next few days after that.and the funny part was,i thought my stomach pains were just usual irritating stomach cramps.i really couldnt differentiate.and i thought the diarrhoa was pretty normal. so i just strolled to the doc for an mc. wah and then he pressed my tummy and said that i was down with stomach flu.it was either food poisonin or stomach flu.both have freakingly similar symptoms.so it's pretty much the latter i guess.heh.funny.and im still down with the dreadful cough which has been plaguing me since early last week.

managed to catch weddin crashers with j. the ratin NC 16 is there for a reason. it was...well.....erm.very funny,very horny,and yes very sarcastic.but i think owen wilson is so damn hot.woo.vince vaughn is absolutely gigantic.he's TALL MANS.DAMN TALL. wah lau.can he pass some of his height to me please. as everyone knows,i'm extremely vertically challenged.so there.
it's another show worth settin ur peepers on,even a second time would be great!

worked for 3 hrs on sat,nothin to elaborate on that.and then i headed to sch for training.felt good mans.
went home,changed into somethin much more presentable than nike shorts and some weird-ass shirt.headed to marina for steamboat with junyang,his gf michelle,mianli and samuel. jy had a sudden craving for steamboat so we all spontaneously agreed. it was good.haven had it for agesss. they're all really fun ppl to hang out with! all had a sense of humour mans.

went to catch land of e dead on sunday with simon gerald and marcus.NO COMMENTS ON THAT SHOW.
haha.was also great catchin up with them.and everyone's kinda different now in a way. walked about town myself,and read a bit at kino.had some alone-time to myself,and i guess it must have helped in some sense.i felt calmer and more at peace with myself.in other words,no more damn mood swings.ppl,rejoice! =)

finally Honey and Snowy can be put together in a cage mans.been so long.i kept delaying the sterilisation,kept putting off the cage,kept procrastinating and worryin about them mating.but yes,everything is finally over and done with! very very lovin pair,they occasionally lick each other and stuff.but the humpin rituals still occur now and then. my darlings. =)
sadly,a roborovski hammie died.it culdn survive due to lack of milk and food frm its mother.and so gradually when its siblings expanded,it slowly shrank in comparison.sigh.and then the mother passed away few days later.i have no idea why.maybe exhaustion.i can only guess.sigh sigh.

..and who knows i might feel better yeah..
..if i don't try and i don't hope..

i began thinkin todae,for one of the rarer moments in life,i realised quite a lot of stuff

i realised i wouldnt care if ppl backstabbed me or anythin like that.i remember i used to bother so much yrs ago,but now i don't give a hoot about it.and i feel good.and i've matured (?) HAHA, into someone much more sensible and more fully aware about stuff.

some things in life are irreplaceable,and even if you give me tons of the kinda stuff i've wanted materialistically,it could never take the place of what really makes my life whole.i've gotten to this stage,where yea i'm contented with some things,i won't complain or bear grudges anymore,and i can only pray that things can get better eventually.

i've been through the peer pressure and hangin out with the right-clique part,so if u're going tru it now,just live it and get it over and done with.i wouldnt call it stupidity for followin the crowd foolishly,but if it helps e person increase his confidence,so be it.it helped me once,but now thinkin back to those times,i just wanted desperately to fit in.usually the people you hopelessly try fittin in with are the total opposites of what you are.

im not one at mincing my words,so yes i fit in with particular groups of people.but i noticed gradually that some aspects of my personality could not be changed,and i stubbornly refused to change just so that i could be cooler,or look more hip,or plainly just continue a conversation.

that was yrs back,and i've evolved into someone else today.i wouldn't say it was a bad experience,but at the very least it helped me become who i am today.i know nobody actually comprehends what i'm rattling off about,but it's enough just for me to understand.i no longer feel the childish urge to blame stuff on other ppl,to wallow in self-pity,or to actually tell sob stories so ppl could sympathise.
usually,ppl don't understand,so i don't see any point in sharing.but i know genuine concern when i see it.and thank god for the little angels who showered me with care and concern.

my friend and i were talkin about how peoples' standards can so sky-high,and that they cannot accept anything lesser than it.ridiculous pile of bullshit.and some ppl are so blatantly denying the fact that they cannot accept anything below their "levels" they wan perfection,but they don't admit it.
i am not perfect,obviously that i know.duh.

now i hold dear what really really do matter to me.and it might be too late.cos i consciously feel the drift getting bigger and wider.i should do something about it.i'm definitely bothered by it,but i keep it inside.oh well.


haha serious business aside,i viewed Russell Peters vid like twice already. it never fails to crack me up a good while. it's fuckin hilarious.with a tinge of sarcasm,a whole lot of wit and humour,and too much snark.ooh and yes tons of racist jokes.but since his audience doesn mind,it's dang alrite wif the rest of us!

and i'm still on my clack downloading spree.it doesn seem to cease since his Jukebox tour just started recently.new clack! -smiles- different cities,different kinda clack..heh.

and yea i caught charlie and the choc fac last wk with ray angie chin han and wanyee. visual effects were excellent,as expected from the numerous reviews,and johnny depp is as pale and pasty as described in mag articles.freakish,yet charming.he was in an awfully sarcastic mood truout the choc fac tour,it kinda added to the flavour of the whole show.otherwise it would have been somethin out of Disney Land.and im not talkin about Tokyo's.
and there was a real treat waitin for us before the show.an enticing pleasant choc aroma wafted into our noses and we all wrinkled it up in confusion.i mean what the hell is the van houten factory doing in junction 8 mans.ahhh. then angie and i went to grab a quick bite and saw the signboard saying that the choc aroma was specially added for the comfort of the viewers.totally cool.mans.
im not gonna spoil the show for you peeps,so no more elaboration here.go catch it! it's worth the $9.50!

hhmmm.ooh and angie craved for jap food so we made our way down to sakae sushi,leaving the tingling choc sensation behind,sadly.we ate like so many plates man.and it was ultra filling.lots of rice,what do you expect.haha.
we didn't have any idea on what to do next,so we cabbed down to serangoon gardens to try out ice cream in Ice3.there was this magic potion kinda thing,you could choose ur fav ice cream flavour with a small tube-shot alcohol of ur choice.really really orgasmic.mine was "chocolate aphrodisiac" so i guess the word "orgasmic" fits perfectly.ppl you should try it out! indulgence...mmm.
i headed home straight and the rest went Happy Days for some drinks.haha.hope it went well! =)

i went town yesterday with my sis and got this red-orange-yellow striped halter top from Fox.really really really CHEAP.8 bucks.and the material's kinda good.and the shop had numerous good bargains.50% and 70% off on selecting clothing.now THAT's an excellent bargain.haha.yes im proud to be a bargain hunter too.
ate some taiwan snacks in paragon's basement.very nice fried shiitake mushrooms.quite a lot for 3 bucks! and we chomped down on very good mee sua from the same stall.woah my stomach's growling just even thinkin about it.

shoot and i haven't saved much. =(

i love my daily dosage of clack.absolutely gorgeous.

ooh for those not clayverted yet,clack is the clayterm for clay performance videos.
i'm watchin Clay's When Doves Cry performance in Pittsburgh.damn hot larrrr.

when he started grinding i started squealingggg.omgg mans.
he was like gettin it on with quiana and angela,his back-up singers, on stage.it was amazing.AS IN HIS STAGE PRESENCE.even jacob,his other back-up singer, enjoyed himself immensely.

i know i enjoyed watchin it! HAHA. this is the closest i can actually get to an actual Clay concert.sigh.
but any clack is good clack!! -smiles-

reviews on his Jukebox Tour has been generally good,if not lukewarm i guess.critics,critics.
he sang 2 new songs which might be on his next album,Back For More and Just You.
and just listenin to those 2,it gave me a general impression that upcomin material is gonna be so much better,just as long as they don't drown out his voice.-cough bridge over troubled water cough-

his dancing is still quite screwed up,but his dorkiness still endears us to him.i can still remember vividly his dancing,or lack thereof, in his performance of Grease.the hip-shakes,his sheepish grin, and the way he blushed when randy and paula praised him.simon obviously hated it,no surprise there.

haven't had so much clack-downloading in ages,and i'm really pleased with the videos.great footage.close-ups,face expressions and tug-yank-clutch. the clay clutch absolutely drives me nuts,and i mean drives me nutssss...

The Jukebox Tour was mainly about different genres of music.50s,60s,70s,80s,90s, and a medley of MOAM.
awesome vocals.he sang like so many songs i culdn't possibly name all.he did Mandy brilliantly,and his take on Heart's Alone was stunningly beautiful.although it was a tad too short.and i love his Elvis covers.

he sang BOTW dang well.he hit the last note!as always.=)
ooh yes and he sang Goo Goo Dolls' Iris and Ricky Martin's Livin La Vida Loca.
brave man yes,but he still did it splendidly.LLVL was a highlight,but his erm,dancing, was totally opposite from Ricky's.like duh. but nvm,part of his charms =)

his backup singers are great too mans,quiana sang I will always love you and angela did I Feel the earth move.
grrrreat.too bad i'm missing out on the actual tour. =(
yea and jacob's rather cute,in a funny kinda way.

common tests are over already,just had my last paper today.i have a strong hunch i screwed some of them up.haha.what's new.i haven't blogged in almost 2 wks,partly cos of tests,and also my IE screws up this particular page every damn time.

hmmm.sigh.i don't know what to say about her,but either way, i feel like i'm betrayin either my mum or my dad.i better not elaborate too much here,hm.

i feel really conflicted,don't know which way i should go..

girls are really complicating.HAHA.=)


...now that you're gone...
...i'm standing all alone...
...because your heart it was my hope...
...will i get by without you, oh...
...you are the one who fills my body and soul...
...another day comes home with you...
...just you, ooh...